Cameron's Creme Egg

Spot the Difference?

Like a 15 year old babysitter checking that the kids are playing nicely upstairs our beloved Prime Minister, David "How do you eat yours" Cameron has detoured to Egypt during his sell-out tour of the Middle East to see how things are doing out there. The Faberge faced fool wanted "to make sure this really is a genuine transition from military rule to civilian rule". Surprisingly, Cameron is the first of the world's political leaders to 'check-in' on Egypt since Mubarack's departure. Usually this would be Obama's territory, getting there first with his handsome looks and over-using his catchphrase "Change". He said, "By stepping down, President Mubarak responded to the Egyptian people's hunger for change". Yes, change. So, for a 'change' Obama took a back seat and let Cameron get there first, for a 'change'. Did you know that for every time Obama says the word 'Change' a woman in her 50's is prescribed HRT for the 'Change'?

In a quote from the BBC News pages regarding the Egyptian protests that left hundreds dead, Mr Cameron said he had met "very brave" figures from the protest movement who "don't yet have confidence that this transition is real". This is in stark contrast to the recent protesters in Britain on whom he said, "I want to see them arrested and punished". All because the Duchess of Cornwall may or may not have been poked with a stick. In all fairness though, a stick, a riding crop, same-difference.

Cameron then started throwing around the term 'friend' and how Britain and Egypt have been bestest buds for years. A bit like Uri Gellar on his friendship with Michael Jackson. We all know they probably met twice if he was lucky and MJ just wasn't interested because Gellar is over the age of 10. If Britain and Egypt have been such great friends for so long, how come we didn't step in and do something earlier? That's what we normally do.

Cameron continued, "This is a great opportunity for us to go and talk to those currently running Egypt, and see what friendly countries like Britain and others in Europe can do to help." Friendly countries like Britain? Possibly one of the most unwelcoming places in the world, you're likely to encounter miserable taxi drivers, arsehole bus-drivers, hospital superbugs and Coldplay.

Mr Cameron went on to say it was "right to come here to say that we support the aspirations of people in Egypt for a more genuine, open democracy". Yeah, that's what Egypt needs now, a lecture from a western politician who's been in charge of a country for 5 minutes and has already dashed the hopes and dreams of many of its citizens. Somebody who will jump at the chance to be part of a revolution they played no part in. A prime minister who condemns an act in his own country but applauds it in another. Do us a favor Cameron, leave Egypt be. They have done well enough on their own, over-turning their government. The last thing they need is an enlarged talking prostate gland trying to be their pal or their buddy. Like the awkward step-dad trying to give advice to the step-son that will never respect them. Just sit back and let them do what they have to do. Concentrate on sorting out your own country before you start shitting on everyone elses. Don't make us go Egypt on your arse, son.