After a few discussions with friends it has come to my attention that people waste a lot of toilet paper. And yes, I am pointing my blameful finger at the female species. Now I understand that we all need toilet paper when making mud-nuggets, but women also need a sheet or two after a tinkle. We men, of course, have a pointing device that we can shake to rid of any excess dribble. So what can we do to help the women of the world to stop wasting so much paper? That's right, a vibrating toilet seat that shakes the woman dry. Once the lady has finished having a tinkle she can simply press a button that rapidly rocks the toilet seat back and forth to shake out every last drop. This eco-friendly device will help save the trees in the rainforests and cut down your toilet roll spends. The only problems that may arise are yeast infections and trying to lure the woman off the toilet as we all know how much they like to sit on vibrating objects. Apart from that though, I think I'm on to a winner. I'm off to patent this idea...
On the subject of women, I find girls who can sing well very attractive. Karen O, Alison Mosshart, Bat for Lashes to name a few ALL very beautiful women. One thing that really grates my cheddar though is women who sing 'Black Velvet' on karaoke. I hail from Penzance, and karaoke is a major feature in a lot of the night life there (The White Lion, The Longboat). Guaranteed, every flipping time there is some complete arsehole woman who sings that god-awful song. I don't even know who sings it originally. And to be honest, I don't want to know. Because I'll be half tempted to staple a goat's foreskin to her vocal cords for starting this mass wave of warbling wank.
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