Back from the unplanned hiatus

It turns out that trying to keep up with university work and trying to be funny to an unknown, online audience is a difficult task to juggle. So, now that I have a bit of spare time on my hands I have decided to rekindle the online flame and stick another blog on the fire... (haha, blog is like log with a B in front of it.)

Which reminds me, a thought entered my brain the other day which luckily turned out not to be a minor stroke. The word rape is clearly very bad and strikes up all sorts of uncomfortable feelings. Unless you are actually a rapist. But stick a 'G' in front of it and it's all ok. People love grapes. And grapists make wine.

Not one of my wisest thoughts, no. But a thought nonetheless.

A serial grapist



A victim of grape who wishes to remain anonymous

Anyways, to keep whoever can be arsed to actually read this slightly entertained, here is a poem I wrote a couple of months ago about that awkward meeting with an ex who managed to find someone new before you.

You know that awkward moment when you realise
your ex-girlfriend has started seeing other guys
And despite the fact that you called it off
it still comes as quite a surprise.

Queue the public ritual at the public house
My habitual flaws are firmly laid out
and encrypted into scripted conversation.

She's well and truly over and relishing the closure
As I am presented with this poser.
The Scene-kid, has-been kid
With the sides of his hair cut so lean kid,
Just like the tension.

And the stylised messy mop
modeled on top
is a memento of this messed
up situation.

“Keiran, this is so and so, so and so, Keiran”
I hold out my left hand as the right has a beer in
As a right handed person my aversion
with the left was certain.

He gripped unnecessarily tight and sensed my unease
I would have felt more displeased
But as he reached out to me
Poking out of his sleeve
Was a super mario tattoo.

All of the criticism, witticism and cynicism
Filled my brain like an aneurysm
But I keep quiet and listen.

Which was a bit of a mission, I must say
As 5 minutes before this chance soiree
I'd chowed down a fat line of MDMA.
Through a receipt ironically as cash was tight
Just sat on the seat and snorted out of sight.

Time then to use a finger (Steady on)
A wet one wiping the white specs from the cistern
And into my gums going for the blisters
Cuz that's how you get it straight into the system.
Another raw wound, going the distance.

Man this girl can talk.
I'm not surprised we broke up
I'm glad I woke up, even more that I spoke up
But this is too much for my mashed mind to soak up.

My lips start to tingle and move without thought
So I try keeping them occupied with the drink that I''d bought.
My eyes dart left for no reason
but kicks in quick succession

As they do I notice what's his names
are fixed in my direction
Are you trying to insinuate a confrontation?
Cuz right now I've only got one sensation...

Of peace and love
and for the hungry to eat
Unity, the stars above
and the feel of that leather 3 piece suite
Over there in the alcove

Man, I am buzzing, you should give this a bash
When you're ready to stop hiding behind that dismal mustache
That to be honest mate, would look more in place on a gentleman's gash.
You can let down your guard and that cool kid facade
Cuz me and her, will always be in the past