Lucifer's Dream Box

I, like many billions of people around the globe own a television. What I don't own though is an aerial or license. Being a media student, this can cause a bit of an issue sometimes. However, I do feel that you are less likely to be influenced by the growing popularity and trends that we base so much of our lives on. The debate of whether television influences people, especially children is still inconclusive in my opinion. On one hand there are people who can watch violence in television and films and not go out killing as a result, myself included in that. Yet. And then there are the kinds of people who indulge in nothing else but television. The ones who can't really muster up a conversation without using the word 'Like' or an expletive to fill a gap.

This is a factor of why we don't have an aerial for our TV. The only motivation it musters up in some people is telling Mum's to go to Iceland. On the contrary though, there are programmes that you just can't afford to miss. Like, Britain's fattest Man on Channel 4. This programme has inspired me to watch at least one TV show a week that is a bit different, and I will voice my opinions on this here blog.

So the programme of this week, Britain's fattest man. The long, bitter-sweet toothed tale of 50 Year old Paul Mason. Paul is like a human pac-man, eating up everything in his path. Ironically, he has growths all over his legs that look like the little pink ghost in pac-man too. This colossal man vacuumed up 20,000 calories per Diem and seemed offended when the Mirror newspaper branded him as being almost 70 stone. Later on when they could actually provide the correct winch to weigh him it turned out he was only 56 stone 11lb. ONLY 56 stone. Which he seemed pleased about. I wonder if he expects a written apology from the mirror for claiming he was 70 stone?

The Mighty Man. I was worried the file would be too large.

The idea to staple this guy's stomach was long overdue and of course came with an array of possible complications but I just kept thinking, how deep does this guy's bellybutton go? After the surgery on his stomach he also had a large lump of fat removed from his leg. This bulge was hypnotic, reminded me of when you see a large jellyfish washed up on the beach. I panicked thinking that it may be his ball bag they were hacking in to, or as the doctor referred to them as his 'Bits and Pieces'. Never good when a fully qualified doctor refers to your genitals as 'Bits and Pieces'. It sounds like a candy store. The last thing a morbidly obese person needs to hear about their genitals.

Morbidly obese is a great phrase though. As if being simply obese isn't bad enough. Although Paul Mason was even too fat for the morbidly obese category and was promoted to the 'Super-Obese' pile. And he can't get driven to the hospital in no regular ambulance. He has to get a Jumbulance. I'm waiting for marvel comics to get in on 'Super-obese Man' who drives the Jumbulance and fights calorie related crimes against the evil Lord Ryvita.

The Jumbulance

Throughout the documentary you do feel for the poor bugger. Every time this guy broke down in tears it really was awful, but I kept thinking about Fat Bastard in the Austin Powers movie and was expecting him to let rip at any moment. His carer, Maria looked like the love child of Janet Street Porter and Fiona Allen. She was strangely attractive and I could see why he was so distraught when she had to leave for another job because her funding was cut, just like the fatty bulge was cut out of his leg. They could have kept the wobbling mass and named it Maria.

To be honest though, I do hope he does well and I would like to see a second documentary where he can actually walk and not have to go to the supermarket on an electric wheelchair resembling a motorised magic 8 ball. Hopefully this film will raise awareness of the issue and will manage to get people the help they need before they step, or flop, over from morbidly to super-obese. It did bother me though that after all the surgery and lectures from doctors, his idea of a healthy meal is stuffed peppers with minced meat. That is basically a pepper with a burger stuffed inside.

I also started to watch an American version of WifeSwap which featured a hideous couple from Jersey. I soon had to turn the television off and sit in a quiet, dark room for a couple of hours to calm down. South Park got it so right on that one.